In this episode, we touched on the depth of changes and why we need to get used to it. Change is gonna happen; I might as try to understand and embrace it.
Notes & Mentions:
Welcome to the Dang Good Show.
Life, as it is, is already tough. Why not make it a little more comfortable with some fun?
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If you want to learn how to be more social and self-aware or want to hear some great advice and life's adventure with a few laughs, this show is for you!
Thanks so much for tuning in! I'm your host, C-DANG, from the beautiful Vancouver of British Columbia in Canada. You can catch me on Instagram @Christine_Dang or my website, c-dang.com.
Hey, what's going on? How's it goin'? What's shakalalaken?
Ooooh, man. It's been a year since Kobe Bryant and his beautiful daughter, Gianna's passing. Then Covid happened, Trump happened, Black Lives Matter happened, Attack on the Capital happened. The news was all about covid and super focused on our American neighbours; it was chaos!
So much has happened, and so many changes occurred. Geeezlawhizz. It's enough to freak out, auntie alma. I don't know an auntie alma. But she's somewhere out there, and she's shakin' her boots; I tellz ya.
I don't know about you - maybe you agree or disagree. I find that 2020 has brought out the worst in people, the absolute worst. My heart broke seeing The horrors that happened in the US and throughout the world. So many lost souls. I'm sure you felt the same; it's cringing.
But at the same time, it brought out the best of people. Unity. Love. Compassion. Respect. Fighting for what's right, which brought me to tears every time I hear a speech somewhere online. I love how everyone is so much more open-minded and honest—learning how to be better and love more without boundaries, judgement and criticism. It's a mix between vulnerability and courage. It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable.
And in recent news, Ohhh. My heart. It aches. Not out of sorrow, but out of happiness because President Biden and Vice President Harris happened.
We went through drastic changes, my friend, yet people seem to hold on to what was and resist what's happening presently.
And if this sounds like you, ya need to stop. Don't fight the Change. It's going to happen regardless.
I asked my peeps on Instagram a few questions on Change.
Why is Change so scary? What's the most terrifying thought about Change?
Caesar- Not doing something about it.
Meike - The unknown. Leaving my comfort zone.
Stef_Apos - Losing a person.
Sarah - Change creates uncertainty - the unknown, it's uncomfortable.
How do you embrace change?
Caesar: Do it and fail.
Meike: The older I get, the less I want to change. I was a wild child and enjoy being boring now.
VyDang: Be open-minded and try before making your mind
Stef-ofs: do what your heart feels.
Joyce: allowing myself to be open to the opportunities and possibilities it brings
And lastly, homegirl Sarah puts it. Stay focused - ask yourself - What is the end goal, and why is Change important.
The greatest lesson from Change?
Meike: Moving to Italy showed me that you couldn't escape from your problems. They move with you.
Stef-Apos: Good or bad ending doesn't matter.
Joyce: The best outcomes and revelations come from discomfort in Change.
Sarah: Everything!! Change is inevitable. If there's no change, there's no growth.
Well said, everyone. So you see, Change is going to happen. Don't resist it because if you do, life is going to be a rough ride through the world of stress, anxiety, and depression. Yo, why you've got to put yourself through that?
Here's a trick I do that could help you - This is something I've tested repeatedly. It's still the best approach for me. It might not before you, but hey, we are here to learn how we can live better together.
Ok so, I try to sync myself out all the time. I try to be my cheerleader because it's just me on this journey called life. IF it's the type of Change that stresses the crap out of me, I'd say, "ooooh, it's tough now, but something great is coming out of this!" And it usually does. I stay curious and look out for clues because the universe works in mysterious ways, and we always get what we think of the most.
So, change your thoughts, change your minds to change your outcome.
Sometimes, we create our heartache through expectations.
Let's take it back and think about the changes we have gone through. We've been changing since we were kids. And it's comforting to know that everyone went through these same-same changes.
For example, let's take a look at the timetable for emotional growth. It's tied with our development to understand and control. Or straight to it - the levels of our maturity.
So we know some of the capacities, like empathy - it is a big one- the ability to understand and share another's feelings. And the other is self-regulating - controlling your emotions and how you act. For example: as a kid, we threw anger tantrums when we don't get our way, but as adults, we don't do that anymore. haha
Can you imagine a grown-ass man on the floor, belly down, kicking and banging the ground with his fist, all the while crying and screaming cuz he got rejected for a date? Now that's something to see for sure—the absolute horror. haha
Empathy and emotional self-regulation started building since we were kids.
There's a section about kids and EI in Daniel Goleman's book called Emotional Intelligence: How it can matter more than IQ - that I think is important for us to grasp so we can be more accepting of changes. Author and psychologist Daniel Goleman is THE beast when it comes to Emotional Intelligence. He wrote some killer articles for Harvard Business on how EI (Emotional Intelligence) is the secret weapon to success in a workplace and home life.
The more we learn about EI, the more we will live our best lives being our best selves. That's what I've learned in these past few years. And the world needs to know more about it! If you are curious about the book - there will be a link somewhere within the writeups from wherever you are listening.
Alright, I was getting off track. Now back to Changes.
Let's take, for example, kindergarten. Goleman hit the spot and said during this time was the peak of insecurity and humility, jealousy and envy, pride and confidence - also described as "social emotions - which is something we do ALL THE TIME - compare oneself with others. We started to learn more about how we handled ourselves and became more aware of our feelings.
After I read - "When a 5-year-old enter's a bigger social world, in also enters the world of social comparison." -Let me read that again.
Duuuude, this brought me back those feelings. As we grow older, it's comparing ourselves with the smartest kid, fastest kid, coolest kid or dumbest kid.
Then when he hit middle school and highschool - whooooo weeeee. Those times are the marking of 2 crucial points in any kid's adjustment (changes). Here enters the feeling of self-worth - usually happens between the ages of 6-11 years old—the ability to do well in school.
If a kid fails in school - it sets in motion the self-defeating talks we all know too well, and sadly, some of us take it into adulthood - maybe even their entire lifespan.
What's after middle-school? Ahh, yes, high school When puberty hits. As Goleman puts it, "a time of extraordinary change in the child's biology, thinking capacities and brain functioning. - ALSO, a crucial time for emotional and social lessons.
When we make the changes from middle school to High school - it marks an end to childhood. - A psychiatrist and president of the Carnegie Corporation, Dr. David Hamburg, put it - Most youngsters ages 10 to 15 years old - are exposed to sexuality, smoking, alcohol and drugs - and other temptations.
The biggest blows during that time? Self-esteem. Students' confidence that they can make and keep friends - Where boys become boys to show off their mochoooooooness and girls abilities to build close relationships and nurture their self-confidence.
Then comes college, then adulthood and life as we age. Maybe that was a long-winded example - I just wanted to point out that you went through all those changes. And you are still alive and breathing.
Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if you had an affinity after that. I know I did.
The more we go through, the more we learn, and life gets more comfortable because we know what to look out for. Please don't dwell on what it was; look forward and be hopeful about what's to come—a brighter future. We could only accomplish it if everyone has the same mindset.
It's one of the things where the more we think, the more we see it around. What if we changed our thoughts? To the things that could be possible. Look at Elon Musk - he wants to save humanity, so he put forth the idea of human life existing on Mars. The guy builds space ships for crying out loud.
One person alone can't change the world. But a team, a community, even a small group of people, can. It's that vibrational wave of energy that connects us through and through—the interconnectedness of believing and passion.
If you know me personally, you know how much I change through; I can't help it, and I kind of love it; it's both it's exciting and sometimes stressful at the same time. But I've learned that the more changes I go through, the less stressed I've become.
The more changes you go through, the less stressed you WILL become.
When family and friends put themselves in my shoes - It's downright frightening, and they would give me 'advice' on what I should do. Advice on situations they have never experienced before,
Sure, I may have been a Bratt, for example, when I decided to leave Canada to take my first solo trip to South Korea- I had uncles calling me to stop me from going or parents urging me to stop thinking nonsense.
I remember asking one of them, "have you ever experienced what I want to do before" - and when they said no, I said, 'how can you give me advice on a topic you have never experienced before?"
Then fast forward to today, it was the BEST decision I have ever made in my life because it was one of my own where I stood by it. I got to learn how to read and write Hanguel - I got to visit every inch of South Korea- to the point I started being a travel guide to some. I even got to tutor and counsel university students (I was doing it for free). And because those experiences brought me to where I am now. I can't even sum up the number of changes and lessons I received from this trip. It was indeed a fantastic experience. Because I changed
But now, what if I told you there's a reason why I love changes? There's a reason behind it: I wanted to learn how to adapt in changing environments to any situation, any place, person or thing.
So some of you are probably thinking, 'Ok, fine, dang. Change is unavoidable and will be constant in our lives. Yadda Yadda Yadda.
How do you do it? Well, I thought you'd never ask.
There are ways to adapt to change and take advantage of it. Imma tells you some of the ways that have helped me from a Harvard Business Review article called: How to Get Better at Dealing with Change.
Find humour in the situation - Life, as it is, is already stressful, and we take it too seriously sometimes. I always try to find something funny in a serious moment so we can lighten up a bit, which helps others feel better. A humour researcher named Rod A. Martin said it lightens the mood and improves social interaction. A good rule of thumb is that other people's issues are no laughing matter, but your struggles can be a source of comedic relief.
This next one is something I'm still curious about and learning. Talk about the problems more than feelings. One of the most common myths of dealing with unwanted changes is that we can work through our anger, fears, and frustrations is by talking about them - and a lot of it. Research has shown that when we actively keep repeating our destructive negative emotions, we keep adapting to those feelings. So you are torturing yourself over and over again by repeating how you feel and make yourself feel it over and over again. Don't suck it up and ignore your problem. But call it out as it is, like, "ahh, it's my anxiety that keeps me up at night." Or "oooh man, my anger issues is messing up my relationship." You've got to be real with yourself.
Omigoodness - This one is a doozy - Don't stress out about stressing out! If you believe stress kills you, oh, it will. Standford psychology back in 2016 - argues, "your stress reaction has a greater impact on your health and success than the stress itself. But stress, on the other hand, the good stress - can lift you and move you through challenging situations - you become more resilient and may even live longer. When you start to feel stressed, ask yourself what your stress is trying to do? Is it out of fear? Or to help you accomplish tasks and goals? We forget that there are always two sides to a coin. Stress can be a good thing- if you choose to see it that way.
Change your thoughts. Change your life.